death.

Intake: 1,167
Worked off: 824

total cals for the day: 343 calories


spin class...never again.


goodnight.

you know sometimes...

I feel so overwhelmed. I've been working out more regularly and trying to cut the food down to as little as possible. It's those moments when I eat something naughty or step on the scale and my skin begins to feel hot. My chest aches a little bit and everything feels like it's cracking. I wonder how many times one person can feel that way before they just shatter completely. I've been doing this for years and now everytime I look back at the pictures that showed my success as being thin and pretty, I hate myself more.

I don't deserve him. It's no wonder he's not my boyfriend.

I wish these 25 pounds would just disappear.


Help.

Try 1048575

SW: 145 (AGAIN!)
GW: 125



Cal intake: 1,080


Going to the gym tonight.

ON IT.



---------

Elliptical = -250cals
Arm stuff - =50? No idea.

Blah blah, I'm tracking it all on DailyBurn.com
Add me as a friend. Name on there is fattiebailey

25 pounds in 8 weeks.

If Kendra Wilkinson can do it, so can I.




Breakfast: 1 cup Cereal with skim milk and a banana.
Lunch: 1 apple + peanut butter
Dinner: 1 slice wheat toast with fake butter or lightly spread peanut butter

I'm cutting out soda, processed food, and fast food.

Over spring break, me and a girlfriend are gonna do P90x every day.
I'm going to make sure I work out at least one and a half hour a day.


I will be thin.
I WILL.

Donate to my MS Team!!!

http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Walk/CALWalkEvents?team_id=202420&pg=team&fr_id=13784

New hair.

Overwhelmed.

Schoolwork.
Overweight.
Broke.

I'm drowning here.

A new month? YES!

Alright.


Going to be all sorts of hardcore.

1. Gym every single day -- NO EXCUSES.
2. Metamucil -- does it work? We'll see.
3. Hydroxycut
4. No fast food, no matter what. Not even low cal stuff.
5. No eating before 7am or after 7pm.


I am determined to lose at LEAST 10 pounds. Hopefully more, but that'll be the bare minimum goal.

Ugh.

Last night.

Fasting.

I'm on a liquid fast starting now.


I can't sleep.
Too much caffeine.


Toga party tomorrow night...sigh.

Me and My Ex

Never mind how huge I am.

Seriously?

I'm too scared to weigh myself.

My ex-boyfriend came into town and I lost total control. Just kept eating horrible foods all the time...never going to the gym.

So, it begins again (for the 100000th time) tomorrow. Or rather, today. I'm MAKING myself get up at 6am to go to the gym before school. And I'm going to get up at 6am EVERY day. No matter what. No matter how tired I am. I am a slave to my bed.

Spring break is coming and that makes my heart start pounding like nothing else...

Also, after summer, I'm going to be back in Portland and I'm going to be seeing everyone I left. Mostly old flames...so I have to look amazing.

Calorie LIMIT: 500
NO CARBS!


Ugh.

As soon as I hit 135lbs, I'll really give a shit about the patch and quitting smoking. I can't quit smoking and eating at the same time. Too much.

I want to be like Carrie Bradshaw. How 2000 of me. I love her.
I want to be like Effie...
Ugh. SO MANY.

Fattie.

Keeps going down. Slowly.

Weight 144.4lbs

Going down so slowly...but at least it's not going up pound by pound.


I got the entire Woody Allen collection today as a gift from my ex-boyfriend. I'm incredibly happy. :3


Ate some crap today, I don't feel like posting it.

My moods are insane these days...


FOUR whole days without smoking, though! Are you proud?! I am. After 6 years of chain smoking, I can't believe the Patch is actually working.

My ex-boyfriend.

I hate formspring.me.


I asked him, anonymously, which relationship he wishes he could take back.
He said "Probably you. LOL. JK. No, seriously." I know him, and I know he knows it was me.

I haven't really stopped crying since I read it.

Everything sucks.

Well, not everything. School is going fine. Broke up officially definitely 100% with my ex-boyfriend. I don't feel like explaining that whole thing, but that's what happened. He called back and changed his mind and cried like a little girl. Whatever. You can't rely on anyone and EVERYONE is a fucking fake. Myself included.

I've realized that everyone is boring and dull and nothing interesting will ever happen to me again. Then again, Virginia in The 10th Kingdom thought the same thing and then...well, see the movie.


I'm tired and fat and I feel like no matter what I do, that's all it's going to be.

This change in feeling has nothing to do with the fact that I quit smoking today. I'm on the patch. I miss cigarettes already.

I'm full. I had to go to dinner with my parents for my mom's birthday. Sigh.
As a result, I'm fasting the next three days at least. Three days minimum, but more if I don't pass out.

Skins is amazing.

Mild success.

Weight today: 145.0

This is a drop from the other day, which is exciting. Especially considering that I'm on my period, so I'm bloated and have the WORST cravings.




Last night, we all went out and I was sober driver. (Boring.) At the end of the night, everyone was starving so they all wanted to go to this place called Tower Dog, which is like hot dogs made all kinds of crazy ways and whatever. Okay, I LOVE hot dogs. I always eat them plain, and I've loved them since I was a kid. Well, I don't eat them anymore, obviously, so it was nearly torture last night when EVERYONE got one except me. It looked disgusting, but still. I can't believe I held out.



I have a headache.

Intake:
467 cals
17.4g protein
19.8g fat
59.7g carbs

Me last night. UGH. This is why I'm going to lose ALL of the weight:


Here's some thinspo to make up for my fat ass:

Thinspo.

Day 4

Intake:
495 cals
30.5g protein
22.3g fat
54.5g carbs


All I did today was study. I woke up a touch hungover, so I didn't weigh myself. I'll definitely weigh myself before class tomorrow.

On another note, I would love to just BE Zooey Deschanel for a day or for FOREVER. She's my idol. I'm getting my hair done exactly like hers on the 4th. It's pretty similar already but yeah...it could be better. I need it thinned out. (Along with everything else!)

I'm watching Yes Man and it makes me want to say yes to everything.
Also, I'd love to go to a Harry Potter party dressed as my favorite character.


How are you? <3

Me last night with a friend:

Day 3

I forgot to weigh myself this morning because I was running late, so I just weighed myself now...I'm hoping it's not as accurate.

CW: 147.8lbs

Intake:
976 cals
23.2g Protein (I need to get a protein supplement!)
46.4g fat
133.9g carbs (Wow.)

Okay, so based on today's ugliness, it looks like I need a ton more protein and no more carbs. So, for the rest of the week, I'm veto-ing the carbs.



I hope this Hydroxycut is helping my metabolism a little.

I'm going to the gym and I'm going to try to stay on the Elliptical longer. Being mia for so long has made me severely lazy and I must get back into shape. In high school, I could be on that thing for hours. Now, not even a half hour passes and my heart rate is 180 bpm and my chest hurts.

Damn smoking doesn't help.




Ohhh, for all you alcohol-drinkers!
If you MUST have alcohol, my friend came up with a tasty concoction. She puts together Skyy Natural Flavored Vodka (cherry is delicious) with lime and Sprite Zero. It has only 55 calories in it!
It's really yummy, too. And a lot cheaper when going out to the bar. We're ghetto and put it in water bottles because it pretty much looks like water, and pour it into their cups at the bar. Cheaper and far less fatty. :] No one likes a beer gut!




I'm going to do some homework and then hit the gym. And I'm going to check out this rock-climbing place...supposed to be a good work-out for the whole body!


xoxo.







This is a girl I know. Depressing. I want to look JUST like her:





:-[

Day 2

Weight today: 147.0
Nutrition today:
Cals: 1,178
Fat: 48.6g
Protein: 25g
Carbs: 164.3g

Workout:
-171 cals

Total: 1,006 calories.

(AKA: FAILURE)


I ditched class this morning only to find out that it is my lucky day! My 8am film class was canceled for today! Hurray for good luck. I've been having weird dreams that interrupt my sleep...makes for a very tired morning.

One of my favorite series is coming out with a new book in April! The next installment of House of Night is called Burned and they're coming out with a total of 12 books! I'm so excited.

I'm going to the gym later with my friend, and I'm going to keep my calories under 500 every day.


Time to do some more homework and get things all pretty around the house.


<3 Talk to you soon!
Anyone feel like going on a fast next week? Monday-Friday?


Is anyone on DailyBurn.com?! Add me! fatbailey <--username

Day 1

Height: 5'8

CW: 148.8lbs
GW1: 140.0lbs
GW2: 135.0lbs
GW3: 130.0lbs
GW4: 125.0lbs
UGW: 120.0lbs


Current BMI: 22.6
Goal BMI: 18.2

Current Jeans: Waist size 29-30



Hello there.
I've decided that since I bought a new scale, work-out DVD and diet pills, I am going to start my private blog, tracking my way into becoming beautiful.

Not only am I going to lose all this disgusting weight, but I am going to transform my boring wardrobe as I get thinner, because a beautiful body should be dazzling in lovely clothes.

I started my Hydroxycut Advanced today, but I ate horribly this morning.
So the official diet has started as of now, but I'll record everything I eat starting tomorrow. I'm too ashamed to do it today. I didn't know I'd have the willpower to really crank up my diet starting now.

Goals:
1. Lose all the weight mentioned above
2. Get into PSU
3. Get perfect grades
4. Quit smoking


So far, nice goals.












xo.